Choices
by Anastasia Belle
Summary: This story takes around season 1. Amy decides to take matters into her own hands and make a life altering decision.


**Choices**

_I know I'm a coward_

I can't believe I did this, I can't believe I got pregnant. What was I thinking?

_Just a few minutes, _Argh why didn't I say no! What was I thinking going alone in cabin with a guy I hardly know? I knew I should've listened to that girl who had talked to me earlier about him but stupid thinking the best in everyone. Why did I do that? At least my mom wasn't as angry as I thought she would be, but I don't want a baby. I can't have one, this baby was a mistake, I don't be pregnant, I can't even imagine giving birth and ugh Ricky I don't want anything to do with that creep. I don't want him to be involved in my life at all, I don't want this baby. We can't be parents, he'd make a terrible father and I don't want to be a mother. I know I'm being a coward but I don't want to be pregnant.

Yes, it sounds horrible, I know this baby didn't do anything wrong right? That's what everyone will say if I go through with this.

Freshman year is already crap, people are finding out that I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. Lauren says it's my choice about the abortion, then Madison keeps bringing up the fact that she's catholic but I'm not. I'm not catholic, so what should it matter. Ben knows and he's totally against it, but it's not his life and as much he wants to be the father and marry me, I don't know if it'll work out. My mom knows now and she doesn't want me to have an abortion, she doesn't know what I should do. My dad doesn't either, but he and my mom have their own problems. He cheated on her and now apparently we don't have any money. Ashley said that we are broke and I seriously don't know what to do. A baby is just going to bring chaos into this house. Why did I ever even go to band camp? I don't want to go to Mimsys but then again maybe I should. It might actually be the best thing, but then Ben's right people are starting to figure out that I'm pregnant and if I come back they'll know anyway.

My pregnancy is ruining Ashley's life too, I think it's best if I just go ahead with it, the abortion. I should do it, it's what is best for me and I don't want this baby. I know it sounds mean but that's the truth. This is my decision, it's my body and I can do what I want with it.

I don't know why Adrian has this sudden in talking to me, I know that she thought I had an interest in Ricky but I told her I didn't. The sooner, I get this over with, the quicker it'll be for me to get on with me life. I can just move on, yeah I know it's selfish but this is my choice.

" Hello, could I please get the number for Adrian Lee please?" I called Adrian to pick me up and she agreed to it. She told me, she'd come after school. I know that she did offer to do it before but I chickened out, now I'm not going though. Ashley's agreed to help me, sneak out to do it, which will be easy since my parents are arguing, and they don't know really know what's going on. This is stupid but it has to be done.

Adrian came and picked me up, but I was shocked to see her come with Ben. I don't know what he's doing here and I'm pretty mad to be honest. I just wanted to get this over with.

"Ben what are you doing?"

"Amy, I really don't think you should be doing this, it's not your only option you know I told you I would marry you and help you raise the baby. You can move in with me, we have a lot of help at our home. I can take of you and baby, please just let."

He doesn't get it, I don't think he understands that what he says doesn't really matter because I don't want this baby. I just want to live my life normally this baby was a mistake.

" No Ben, we can't get married my parents don't want me to. They said no, I'm sorry Ben but I really have to do this." He's mad at me now and says I should talk to my parents, but I did I talked to my mom and she just said abortion was not the way but who wants a baby at 15? Look at me, look at Ricky we are obviously not ready to be parents.

" Look it doesn't matter what he says, it's your decision, and it's your body. You don't want to put the kid up for adoption and have some weird couple take the baby and then in years later the kid will end up looking for you and disrupt your life." Adrian said.

She was right this was my life and I'm going to take control of it. We finally arrived at the free clinic, and as I took off my seatbelt I saw Ricky and Grace. I was confused why would he care, why was he here. I just get past him and get this over with.

" She can't do this it's a SIN!" that was Grace's voice I heard outside, and I heard Adrian yelling back at her some nasty things, like she was a bible thumping two faced virgin. Ricky was just standing their watching both of them go at it, I know he doesn't care if I keep the baby or not and it's really not his decision. The sex wasn't good at all, and we didn't use a condom so there is no reason to keep this baby. It's a mistake and I know that sounds bad but it is.

" Amy Juergens, come on up please" the lady said. This was it, I walked up and looked over at Ben, he was silent but he gave me a slight smile. I went into the room, and as soon as we were about to start the procedure, I rubbed my stomach. There was a little human growing inside of me. I hadn't planned on having sex, I hadn't planned on having a boyfriend and I hadn't planned on being pregnant but I don't have to be, as horrible as that sounds it's true. The lady took me through the procedure, I wish I had someone to hold my hand but it's easier to do it this way rather than letting someone talk me out of it.

It was scary, but the lady was nice and even though I felt like crying the whole time I had to hold it in. She kept reassuring on me that everything would be fine and it was a safe procedure. She gave me the ultrasound and I went through it, the abortion. I left the clinic, hoping that everyone else wouldn't there. Grace, Ricky and Adrian were all outside the clinic. Ben was sitting there in the waiting, he just looked at me and took my hand. Ricky didn't even acknowledge me, he just went on and pretended it didn't happen. Grace was saying some things I couldn't quite make out and Adrian said something again about her being annoying, and that this wasn't any of her business. I know that Adrian is only doing this because she doesn't want me to have Ricky's baby but I don't care at least she gave me a ride and Grace can think what she thinks. It's silent in the car, I let out a breath and feel a relief. It's like a huge load is lifted off my shoulder, I want to scream, cry and jump but I' m just still. I sneak back into my room and luckily my parents didn't notice, Ashley told them I was napping.

I'll tell them tomorrow, they'll probably be disappointed and angry. They took the news better than I thought but I would but I don't want to be pregnant and it's not like I killed my baby. It wasn't born. I'm calling Ben, but he's not picking up he's probably mad at me. Great. I'll talk to him tomorrow, which is if he will speak to me, who knows.

I hear the door knocking, and it's my mom. I don't want to see her right now I don't want to see anyone. She's smiling at me and has tea, I feel so bad now.

" Hi sweetie, you're sister told me you weren't feeling well. I brought you some tea. It always helped me with the morning sickness"

I tried my hardest to smile at her and she just looks at me. I feel like I have to tell her what now or I never will.

" M-o-m, um you know how we had that c-o-n-v-ersation about the a-bor-tion" My mom started nodding slowly, and then she took my hands.

"It's o-kay Amy you can tell me, anything"

" I-, I—uhh, I had an….abortion" She gasped, and let go of my hands. We just sat there for a while silently.

My mom finally opens her mouth and it's not what I expect to hear.

" Amy, I know what I said to you earlier about it not being right but I was wrong. We've gone the adoption route, but that's just too risky and you don't know what you're getting into. You're also too young to be a mother, although I don't like that you didn't tell me but you did what was best for you."

I'm tears now, I can't believe she said that I mean I thought she'd slaughter me for doing what I did. She hugs me tightly and reassures me that everything will be fine. Yay I feel better now!

My mom told my dad what happened and he wasn't too thrilled at all. I heard a lot of screaming. He eventually calmed down though after my mom told him what happened. He told me that he'd always love me no matter happened.

" _wahh! Mommy! NO ABORTION! ABORTION NO! you're a coward, slut, and baby killer. _

_I can't believe you did this Amy, you killed your baby! How could you do this! _

"Ben!" I look around there's no Ben, Grace or Madison or anyone from school. "I did the right thing" I lay back down and close my eyes. There are a few flashes in my head of baby tears but I ignore them and just sleep.

When I arrive at school, I see Ben standing by his locker. He's with Alice and Henry, but they disappear as I approach him.

" Hey, I called a few times yesterday" He finally turned to look at me, and acknowledged my presence.

"I know, I was busy, sorry" He said, while closing his locker. I rolled my eyes, I knew he was lying.

" Ben, look I know you don't like what I did but it I made a choice to take control of what happened to my body."

" Yeah I know, but listen I have to get to class now. I'll see you at lunch." He said, and hugged me. It wasn't a warm hug like all our other hugs. The day went by pretty quickly with all my classes, having school was a lifesaver for me. I always did really well at school, I couldn't screw that up. As I was walking to class, I saw Adrian and she was smiling at me.

" Hey Adrian,uhh thanks for the ride, and for being on my side"

She sort of smirked at me " No problem, and listen I totally support what you did, you don't want to carry around baby while you're in high school".

"Mhm..yeah" I said. Whenever anyone said that word, my stomach felt weird. I just said bye and have a nice day.

I saw Ben at lunch, and it was awkward he seemed uncomfortable around me , even though he said he would be there for me. It's like he's ashamed of me or maybe I'm ashamed myself I don't know. Maybe I should break up with him, and he can find another girl someone who's less damaged than me.

I had those nightmares again, but I was getting better at handling them. At school Madison was a still friend to me, but something felt strange with her. Lauren was totally supportive, so at least I had her on my side and Ashley. As long as my family was okay it then I should be too.

After the nightmares had stopped, I couldn't sleep I would just lay there in bed. It's whenever I'm alone that those feelings of guilt come to haunt me, even though I know I did the right thing.

My freshmen year went by pretty quickly, Ricky and I didn't acknowledge each other in the hallways whenever we saw each other. He did come up to me thought and say he was sorry, that he was going to try and make a change in his life. I guess that's a good thing, there's less of a risk of him getting someone else pregnant.

I broke up with Ben, I think he deserves better than me. Maybe if we had met under different circumstances , things would've worked out, I don't know. I do love him though and maybe we will get back together.

I went to see a councillor about what happened, and she told me what I was feeling was normal and I shouldn't isolate myself. She said, that the feelings of inadequacy were normal.

I think that was easier said than done, the insomnia was still there, I couldn't really eat some days and sometimes I felt like screaming too.

Now, I'm finally in a good place with friends, family and myself. I'm going to a music summer programme with the school and things are finally normal again.

I don't think there really is any right choice with an unplanned pregnancy in high school, you keep the baby and you're life is over, or then get attached to it and then adopt it, or you can do what I did. I think I made the best choice for me.

A/N: I always thought that an abortion story line would've been interesting for the show since it was based around teen pregnancy and sex.


End file.
